Over Tea
by RhiannonNymph
Summary: Teyla finds John playing with things from his past. Sheyla. A few spots of language, but nothing terrible.[COMPLETE]
1. Her Name's Renee

DISCLAMIER: I, unfortunately do not own anything. Everything belongs to the people who own it and they know who they are. So please, no sue!

This is a REPOST.I've edited this thing, changed some stuff, added things, deleted things, nothing to major…I just wanted to make John a bit older and to change the whole barn scene.

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**Ch. 1**

Major John Sheppard stood on the balcony nearest his room on Atlantis. He was hunched, his elbows resting on the railing. The setting sun reflecting time to time off the thin metal chain and pendant he held.

He set the pendant in the palm of his hand; it was a pink quartz heart, the top of which was encrusted in ornate silver, all on a thin chain that felt like ice sliding over his hand. He looked at the heart; a small smile emerged onto his face. He'd bought this as a birthday present when he was sixteen. He had never thought it would have been returned to him, a token of remembrance, of better times.

When he heard the doors behind him slide open he quickly readjusted his gaze, and enclosed the necklace in his fist. He turned his attention to the setting sun. The pinks that faded to orange, form orange to reds and purples and deep blues, and finally to black; reminded him of Earth. During the sunrises and sunsets he could momentarily, in his mind, place himself back on his home-world.

He stared into the cloudless black sky approaching the city. Pretending not to notice the body next to him, not to notice they were looking at his clenched fist.

"Are you angry Major?"

He replied without looking over, "Now what ever gave you that idea Teyla? I'm just…enjoying the sunset."

"Do you always watch such beauty with such angry hands?"

A quick frown passed over his face, darkening his eyes. '_It's only Teyla'_, he thought _'It's not like she'd run around and tell everyone.'_ He turned toward his alien friend, brought his hand between them, and slowly opened his fingers. "I didn't want to drop it." he lied. He didn't want to share. Didn't want to relive those times, not unless he could change them, and that was just impossible.

Teyla moved her tanned hands to pick it up. John's fingers instinctively moved to close over it, he caught himself and his palm remained facing upwards and flat. Teyla noticed the tremor, and put her hands on the railing, turning her body back to the sea. "Sorry." he said. She continued to watch him; his dark haired head was shifted down, towards the object in his hand.

"It is quite lovely." Her comment brought him back, he looked at her, smiled and returned to his earlier position, and fiddled with the necklace as he had been, "Did you love her very much?"

"Yes." Looking down into his hands he missed the look that crossed Teyla's features, "It was my sisters."

She smiled, "She gave it to you before you came to Atlantis?"

"Yeah." He said sadly. It was clear in his voice. Teyla thought it odd that he didn't try to hide it. Since she'd met him she had come to think of John Sheppard, a Major in the Untied States Air Force as a man well adept to hiding his true feelings. It was a good trait to posses when your missions, as theirs so often were, were to make first contact, and negotiate. He had told her once it was helpful in a card game called poker. He said that he rarely ever lost and would teach her some time, "Want to see her picture?"

Teyla thought it over. The Major was not always so open and willing to share, but she had always had a desire to know him better, to learn what had made him the leader he was. She wasn't about to let the opportunity slip. He looked at her expectantly; it almost seemed like sharing this one part of him would bring him some sort of solstice, "I would like that." She smiled.

He smiled back at her, rummaging through his pockets, "I had it laminated so it wouldn't get ruined…so I could have it with me when I went on missions." he finished sheepishly, pulling a small rectangular photo from a pocket.

"Laminated?"

"Oh, uh…you put paper between two really thin, well, what's important is that it keeps whatever is inside from getting torn, or dirty or something." He enjoyed explaining Earth things to her, unless it was an inopportune time, say during a fire fight.

She nodded her head in understanding, taking the photo from his hand, "Her names Renee."

"She is beautiful." It was a black and white photo; the girl in it had a smile very similar to Johns. Her elbows rested on a hidden table while her hands came together, allowing her chin to rest comfortably on them. Her hair was dark, with a slight curl to it, her eyes seemed big and hopeful, and they were probably brown. Her face was smooth and well shaped, Renee remarkably resembled her brother, "She…looks very similar to you." It was more a question than a comment. Teyla didn't understand how two people whose age was probably at least ten years apart could look so…exactly the same.

"Well her eyes are brown and my hair isn't at all curly, thank God. But, other than the obvious gender differences that was about it." He said, taking the photo back. At Teyla's look of confusion, he hesitated but continued on, "I'm a twin. That's her senior picture from high school."

"Major Sheppard, I was unaware you had a sister, much less a twin! Was the Ancient gene not strong in her? Is that why she did not come through to this galaxy as well?"

"Not exactly."

"Dr. Weir has told me that everyone who came here did so voluntarily. Was she unwilling to leave?"

"No. No, she wasn't selfish or…."he trailed off, he could hear the anger in his voice, feel it swelling in his gut. Maybe this was a mistake; maybe he should have just kept his mouth shut. He closed his eyes, inhaling a deep breath of sea air, and continued, calmer, "It wasn't an option for her. She never knew about the program."

A silence passed between them. His eyes remained closed, trying desperately to hear words of comfort from an imagined image of his sister. Teyla didn't know what to say next, she clearly didn't understand why they would not tell his sister, surly she would have been as well adept to use the gene as he, but she also knew that on his world knowledge of the Stargate was not granted to all.

John wanted to continue, he wanted to talk about her, wanted someone new to know about her, and be sorry she wasn't there. He wanted someone to be sorry for him, as bad as it sounded; he wanted someone to know the pain he felt at her absence.

"It is getting dark. Perhaps you would like to tell me of her over tea?"

"What?" he wasn't prepared for such a straight forward request of knowledge.

"It is clear you love her very much, and that she holds importance to you. I would like to know of her."

He smiled slightly to his teammate, "Yeah, thanks."

They walked quietly to Teyla's quarters; John placed the photo back in his pocket, but kept the necklace in his hand. Teyla wondered as to what had transpired between John and his sister before he left, to make him miss her so much, more than he seemed to miss any of his other family. She doubted he could produce a photo of his mother and father from his pockets as well. Perhaps they had fought over his decision to leave, maybe she was hurt he couldn't tell her where he was going, or when he'd be back. From the little she'd heard so far it seemed they were close, they were twins after all, aren't they supposed to have a certain affinity for one another? Teyla glanced at the man next to her, trying to catch his hazel eyes, for only a moment, and to read them.

John looked straight ahead, the hall seemed quiet. There was only his heavy tread and the distant murmurs of a conversation he couldn't care less about, he was contemplating what to do. Yes, he wanted to talk to Teyla, wanted her to know. He thought about the bronze skinned Athosian and how she'd so readily showed him scenes from her planets tortured past. How she'd confided in him time and again, he thought about how he trusted her with his life, why couldn't he trust her with stories of his childhood? He had no doubt that if he asked she'd tell him nearly anything he'd want to know about her childhood, about how it was for her to grow up with the threat of the Wraith. If anything she'd be able to relate to some of the loss he'd felt as a child, and as he grew older.

He supposed more than anything, what he really wanted was someone to confide in. A person he could go to with anything, and they would listen. He smiled, he could probably have that with her, at that moment, though it wasn't the first, he wanted to wrap his arms a round her in bear hug, lifting her, spinning her, and tell her thanks. He wanted to shout the very tips of Atlantis how grateful he was of her companionship.

But he'd settle for tea, and tales of his life. What better way to show gratitude that to tell her something no one else knew?


	2. That's Why I Came

This chapter and the three following it have been/are being rewritten. Nothing major, really, just smoothing put John more in character (I hope) and smoothing out the "facts" that I'm building my ideas off of for a sequel-ish type thing.

Let me know.

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**Ch.2**

Teyla was the first to enter the room, she gestured to the Major to take a seat wherever he'd be comfortable. He took a seat at the table near the wall, his hands rested on his lap. Teyla made her way to another room, smaller in size that housed the kitchen like area that most of the quarters possessed.

From her position in the make-shift kitchen she could see John fidget in his chair. He straightened his back, and decided to slouch instead, his hands sat awkwardly on his lap as he shook his leg. He was uncomfortable; she wished he would not be so hesitant with her. She would not judge him, or mock him, she would listen and learn.

"It will be a few minutes." She said, placing what was needed on a table top, then onto the "stove". Teyla walked back to the Major and sat in the chair across from him. "Was she like you, in terms of…personality?"

He smiled. Teyla loved his smile, it could convey so many things; whether it is mischief, flirtation, or just laughing at a joke or trying to be charming to get his way, which he often did. She wondered if it was a talent many Earthlings had, Ford too sometimes had smiles that would seem to hide or imply something.

"Uh…well, she was…less crazy, she had a good head on her shoulders…a good heart. I was usually the one always getting in trouble," he laughed, "Actually, once, I got arrested. We, uh, some friends and I, built a brick wall in the middle of the road. No one really used that road, so you could imagine how surprised we were when a cop car, of all cars, ran into it. I ran faster after that night."

Teyla smiled at the thought, she had no idea what a 'cop car' looked like but she could see John staring into the face of an authority figure, trying to explain himself and getting nothing but trouble. He had this way about him, where even to an authority figure he may seem defiant, regardless of how truthful his statement.

"She was really a – a social butterfly, actually started dating my best friend, senior year. He was on the football team, defensive linebacker, remember when I showed you that…yeah." He trailed off. He was, however, saved by the whistle.

"I believe the tea is ready." Teyla said, with a slight bow of her head as she stood. John watched as she walked away. He felt rather dumb, she'd asked a question about his sister's personality and he'd launched to a story about himself. He realized his sister was a sore topic not because of bad blood, but because of how things had been left, everything had been dropped and suddenly ended. He mentally scolded himself, _'Why come in here if you weren't going to talk about anything relevant? Renee, you have to think about Renee. Oh God, I miss her…'_

Teyla returned with a small tea pot made of hard clay, no doubt a personal belonging from before she'd met anyone from the expedition. In place of the cups she would have normally used, had she been on her own planet, she used the metal ones that were all over Atlantis. John took his cup with a grateful smile, "Teyla, I just…Thank you."

She smiled and nodded.

"We were adopted," He quickly took a sip of his tea, surprised at how he'd just thrown that out there. He hadn't told a whole lot of people that little tidbit. But he'd started, so, "and the people that took us in were pretty well off, so we never really lacked anything, practically spoiled and they still managed to teach us to be good people…"

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"_Happy sweet sixteen." John said. He handed a small box to Renee as he flopped down on her bed. She held the box and regarded her brother with skeptical eyes. Despite her facial expression he could tell she couldn't wait to open it._

_She ripped at the white, sparkling paper hiding her gift. It was a small pink box; she looked at John before opening it. Inside was a necklace, heart shaped pink quartz. Two of her favorite things in one, laid in silver._

"_John." Her brows came together and rose up, a face that meant she liked it. He smiled, so twin intuition did have some bearing. "Now I feel dumb. I just got you that helmet for your bike…"_

"_Are you kidding?! You got a jet painted on it, and it said 'Flyboy'. I think it's awesome, and I think the girls will agree. Also, you hid that you knew about the bike very, very well."_

_She smiled wavered, unsure of whether he meant it or not. She placed the necklace around her think neck; she shifted her head and raised her eyebrows, "How do I look." The smile she wore now was completely genuine._

_He shrugged. Her jaw dropped and she grabbed a pillow to toss at her brother. "Jerk."_

_He threw the pillow back, "Come on, you're my sister, how am I supposed to know if _you _look good? Anyway, let's go, mom and dad want to take us out to dinner."_

"_I'm not going; I hate you and hereby disown you." She crossed her arms._

"_You can't disown me." She sat turned away from him, "Ugh…fine, you look fine, don't be so dramatic." _

_She turned back to him, a smile on her face. "Thanks." She __walked past him, and then turned, her face now fixed in a serious look, "Do you think this year…they might send something?" _

_He knew she meant their birth-parents. Ever since they were old enough to know they'd been adopted, she thought maybe they would send something; maybe they would show up and say they cared. They cared so much they left their kids on some hospitals door step. They didn't even take them inside. It didn't matter, John had given up on 'maybe' long ago. He was very much stuck in reality, they were never going to see them and he didn't care. He was more than happy with the way things were._

_He answered her question, not with words, but a motion of his arm, he held it out to her, bent at the elbow, "Shall we?"_

_She kept eye contact with him, expressing her dismay at his ability to say he just didn't care, with a soft smile and tired sigh she took his arm, "We shall.", and pulled him down the hall beside her._

_**Two Years Later**_

_John ran down the hall to his sister's room, he skidded to a stop in front of her door and knocked. Nothing._

"_Ugh!" he had something to ask her. Well, not so much ask as tell. He'd set up a double date for them; he and Sarah and she and Luke, his best friend. He didn't know why he hadn't thought of it sooner. Luke had developed something of a "thing" for Renee. John had caught Luke with his eyes glued to Renee as she walked out of a room. He'd dogged him for close to three hours before Luke finally admitted to it._

_John took off in the other direction when she didn't answer. He took the stairs two at a time, and swung around the corner when he reached the bottom. His parents were in the den, reading a news paper and a book in big, soft chairs._

"_You guys seen Renee?" _

"_I believe she went to the barn." his mother's voice came floating over the book to his ears. She had one of those voices you could just listen to and it didn't matter what was being said. He'd loved listening to her tell bed times stories when he was younger. She looked up to him with blue eyes, as clear as the sky. Her blonde hair was in a loose bun, and wisps of hair framed her face. _

"_She should be home in about an hour son, you could wait you know." His father smiled at him, knowing his words would do nothing, John was impatient. His fathers dark eyes shimmered behind his glasses, the man was full of a life that belied his graying hair._

_John thanked his parents, silently grateful that he and his sister had been given to such kind people. He grabbed his helmet from the post and jumped on to his motorcycle, the barn Renee boarded her horse at was about two miles away, and he was in to much of a rush to walk it._

_He parked the bike on the gravel drive, and headed to the barn he knew her horse, Jett, to be kept in. The hall was empty, aside from the horses and the respective noises each felt it needed to make. John wasn't really a land loving person, he'd rather be in the air.One of the reasons he couldn't wait for graduation, he was going to pilot something when he got out, it didn't matter what. He walked down the hall peering into the stalls. _

_He stopped in front of Jett's stall and scratched his head. She should have been there. At that moment something large dropped down from the ceiling, brushing his back, but not hitting him directly. He turned around as he moved forward with the impact. It was a bail of hay._

"_What the hell? HEY!" he shouted, "Watch what you're doing!"_

_Renee appeared above him and smiled when she saw what had nearly happened._

"_Well, little brother you should watch your step." She turned her back to him, moving down the ladder. John rolled his eyes, he hated when she called him that. _

"_You don't know that you're older."_

_She cocked her head and looked at him, "I feel older."_

"_Yeah, look it too." He laughed._

"_Aha, I know where you sleep."_

"_Yeah, yeah. So hey, busy Saturday? No? Good? Me, Sarah, you, Luke…double."_

"_What? John, you can't just do that, I mean, I have things to do. Like…things." She walked away, picking up the hay bail and moving down the hall._

"_Come on its Luke." He ran around and walked backwards down the hall in front of her. _

"_I…" she tried to hide a smile; he knew she liked him, "No. I have to study." John stopped her, and gave her his most charming face. His eyes begged her, he wanted her to be happy, and to do that he needed her be willing to take risks._

"_Fine." She blurted, walking around him. She smiled ear to ear shaking her head as she walked into another room. _

"_Great." He shouted, he gave her a quick hug and went back to his bike, "You won't regret it, I swear on my life!"_

_------_

"..and she didn't." he finished, still winding the necklace between his fingers, he gazed into the pink stone as thought it were a crystal ball playing out the stories he'd just told, "She wore it almost everyday."

Teyla nodded again, "She was lucky to have such a caring, younger, brother." She emphasized the' younger' trying to bring humor to him, she'd seen his face when he told her only moments ago, he hated to be the younger of the two.

"I was definitely the oldest." He laughed, "And the lucky one, to have known her."

"I still do not understand why she did not come as well."

"She probably wouldn't have wanted to come anyway, and besides she wouldn't have had clearance." His eyes became distant, looking but not seeing, "She wanted to be an Oceanographer, the water was her other great love, after horses. I think she would have loved it here, but she wanted a family; she wouldn't have left them for this." His voice was pained, deathly close to cracking with grief, but he held it in. Teyla wanted to shake him and tell him to cry. She wanted him to let everything go and mourn a terrible loss, and come back to her, whole again.

He wanted Renee there. He wanted everyone to know her, and enjoy the type of person she was. Teyla thought what it would be like to have two Sheppards running around the Pegasus Galaxy. It could have proved to have been like watching two very young, mischievous children. She laughed quietly at the thought. The two together could give McKay a real run for his money.

"But you did."

"Yep." It was then that it happened. His scar had opened big enough to let it out.

For the first time the necklace left his hand, as he ran them through his hair and rubbed at his eyes. He kept his head in his hands, his face masked. There was a sharp intake of breath, and Teyla placed her hand on his shoulder. He let out a strained laugh, laced with sorrow.

"She died…that's why I have the necklace, that's why I came…she died." His face was still out of view but she didn't need to see it to he was close to tears, she could hear it in his voice. She kept her hand in place, but made no move to do anything more. She didn't know the rules they had for this on Earth. Was she to offer comfort in the form of hugs, or merely reassuring words? She didn't know if she should feel awkward; make some excuse to leave him for a moment. In her time she had seen many families torn by loss, had seen many men mourn for children and wives, siblings and parents. She too had lost family. She wanted so badly to hold him, to show him that she cared, that she hurt for him, and that she knew.

Before she could stop herself she was beside him, her hand rubbing small circles into his back. He lowered his hands, keeping his face downward, he felt ridiculous, it had been fourteen years. Fourteen.

"To the day." He whispered.

"Major?"

"Fourteen years to the day since she died." He looked up at her; she realized how much strength that must have taken for him. He didn't like to appear weak, even when life sucking bugs were stuck to his neck. His eyes were cold, hard and something like tears made his eyes sparkle, waiting for the right amount of fluid to accumulate before following a path traced out by the tears.


	3. She Was Gone

Haha, this bit is so melodramatic and kind of lame, but it is what it is. John still seem almost, wildly, out of character, but kind of has to be, I think.

R and R

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**Ch. 3**

Teyla said nothing, and John looked over to the wall, thankful there were no windows, thankful there was no one but Teyla. Now he wanted to stop. He didn't need to go so far as to tell her what happened; it would only leave him feeling foolish. He should have stuck to stories about presents and laughter, and horses and motorcycles. Now he was on the verge of tears. Tears! He was ready to cry, an action he hadn't engaged in since the day he was now reliving.

He felt her hand on his back, soft and gentle, caring. He couldn't look at her. He knew she had seen the forming tears. He'd come so far, but really he'd never moved. In reality he'd merely perfected a shell. The laid back guy who can crack a joke at the worst times and manage to relieve some stress, the man whose feathers were hard to ruffle, the guy who tried to let most things roll of his back and smile. The guy who looked almost certain death in the face, more than once now, and decided it wasn't something to worry about, he'd put anyone's life before his own. Hell, even Kavanaugh.

But on the inside he never stopped mourning.

The memory was so vivid, so much so that he sometimes thought he could smell the barn. Visions of his sister had tormented from that day on, and probably would haunt him to his dying day. Maybe she'd be the last fleeting image to pass his mind before death took hold of him, but he'd see her and at long last, hear her voice.

He coughed and wiped at his eyes, trying to pass it off as a tired gesture, but Teyla knew better. Her hand stopped and came to rest comfortably on his back. She smiled at how right it felt, she was proud to have figured out the proper response to the Major's anguish, and to be able to be near him, to touch him in his time of need.

Looking over to her, shading his face as best as possible, he croaked "Guess the cats out of the bag…" he almost laughed at her baffled expression. He made a mental note to sit with her and go over some of Earth's more famous idioms, sayings and clichés.

He looked down into his cup, it was empty, "How about some more tea?" his strength was growing, and the regular, almost playful tone was making its way back into his voice. Teyla reluctantly moved her hands from him to the pot and poured another glass.

"I am sorry." She said as poured it, she wanted to keep him going, and she wanted to know what had happened. He had begun to share a deep and painfully dark secret with her. "I wish…" she paused, considering her words, not wanting to offend him and push him away, "I would like to know, if you want to tell me."

He drank from his cup, draining the tea that had just been poured into it. He looked down into the bottom of the cup again, tipping it back and forth watching what little liquid was left shift with the change of gravity. He was silent for a long time, perhaps searching for the words. Teyla waited patiently, but the silence was chipping away at her confidence. What if he didn't say anything? What if he got up and left? What if he was never ready…worse, what if he didn't trust her with the knowledge?

There was a knock at the door, breaking the silence and the tense mood of the room. They both looked to the door; John was quick to busy himself by pouring more tea, looking away from the door. Teyla cleared her throat and moved to the door, unlocking it; it swished open to reveal Dr. Rodney McKay.

"Ah, Teyla, I was wondering if you'd seen Major…" he spotted John sitting against the wall, he moved to get closer, "There you are Major, I've been looking for you…" Teyla move in front of him, derailing his attempt to reach the man, "…for hours. Teyla I need to speak with Major Sheppard could you…" He motioned his arms to get her move aside, taking in her face and the lack of movement, or snide remark from Sheppard, McKay dropped his hands to his side, "Am I…interrupting?"

"Yes." Teyla answered, ushering him back toward the door.

"Oh," clearly it hadn't been the answer he was looking for, "well, I, um…o-okay." The door closed and was relocked.

She returned to her seat, hoping the silence would have been severed long enough to restart the story.

He laughed, a true laugh, and looked at Teyla, "When he asked if he was interrupting, he was implying we were having some sort of secret love affair." He smiled.

Teyla looked back at the door, "I did not-"

"No, I know. I was, um…thanks for saving me." He hoped she knew he meant that it wasn't just McKay he spoke of. It was his loneliness. She was saving him from having to mourn his sister alone. Every molecule of air expelled with that sentence was immediately sucked back in. His strength had suddenly wavered, his wall had lost a key brick, the loss of which had sent the wall tumbling.

She knelt by his side, in a bold move she placed her hand on the side of his face, she could feel the tears. He tried to pull away, but Teyla had to be strong for both of them. She had to make him face this, so she kept her hand on his jaw, and placed her other hand on the opposite side of his face and turned him to her.

"Please. It is ok."

His red rimmed eyes met her soft brown ones. He tilted his head into her hand, blinking slowly. He put his hands over hers and brought them down to rest on his lap. He looked back over at the necklace, bringing something terrible to the forefront of his mind, to the tip of his tongue.

"It was," he smiled knowing she'd never get the reference, "a beautiful day in the neighborhood and I was skateboarding with Luke, and I fell. I thought maybe I'd hit a rock or something, but there was nothing. And it hurt, more than it should have. I felt like something in me had, I don't know. Like something was just gone." he looked back to her, holding her eyes, hoping to express what he was getting at without saying the words. "Sounds stupid, I know."

"You felt her…"

His body shook at her words, and hung his head, "I thought maybe it was my pride. I felt…so empty. If I had stopped to think, maybe…"

Teyla wanted to interject and tell him there was nothing he could have done, but was there? She didn't know the situation. But she honestly believed there must have been nothing, because John would have done anything.

Anything.

"We still don't…" he cleared his throat then suddenly pulled away, stood and began to pace. It was the pace of a man so overcome by grief he could think of no other action, but to move. He had to show himself that he was still alive; he had to make himself see that there was something for him yet. Teyla, still kneeling watched him. Slowly she stood, and as she did he stopped, crossed him arms and stood still, his back to her.

He had quelled the spasms that had threatened to spill forth earlier. But, as he turned his head and spoke, he could not stop the tremor in him voice, the overwhelming despair of a life lost, "I found..." It was barely audible.

She could think of nothing else to say, "Please sit."

He did, a few silent tears streaking his face. He no longer tired to hide them. He knew she knew, that she could see, hear and feel his pain. He didn't care anymore, this was something that had devastated him, and he was talking about it. And it only took fourteen years, a one way trip to another galaxy and an alien.

Teyla resumed her seat next to him, holding his hand, doing her best to comfort him.

"Teyla," he said without looking at her, "I know you've lost people. But this is different." She was mildly startled by this, and slightly offended. She had probably lost more people than he had known. How could his loss be any different from hers?

He must have sensed her sudden uneasiness. He looked at her, a desperate fear in his eyes. He thought he had just pushed away the only person he was comfortable telling this to, all with four little words.

"No, no! That's not…not less important, just, you know – not that it makes you feel better – but at least you know what happened to them." He blinked, tears on the brink of falling, "I just wanted it to be a joke. I wanted someone to wake me up."

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_Fourteen Years Ago_

_John and Luke walked the stony road to the barn, from which Renee would soon emerge dusty and smelling like horse. The two young men talked idly of their plans for after graduation, of senior week, and how they wanted to sneak in and scare the girl they sought._

_Luke reached down and picked up a stone, the tossed it into a near by field. "Hey, don't do that." John told him._

"_Why?"_

"_Just don't. Renee tells me not to so you can't either. Deal with it."_

"_Isn't that Jett?" he said pointing to a dark horse in the distance, "I thought you said she'd be almost done by now."_

"_We'll she's the only one here. Maybe she had to take care of some other horses first. Bring him in."_

"_What?"_

"_Oh come on, don't be a wuss, it's easy. All you have to do is lead him. Grab the rope thing that's hanging by the gate, clip it on and bring him in."_

"_I hate you man." He said, walking toward the pasture._

_John smiled in triumph, "And watch out for that horse shit!" he yelled behind him as jogged over to the barn. He slowed down and started to whistle as he walked along the quiet corridor. Noticing the unusual quiet, he looked at the horses as he passed, they were all deathly quiet. It was creepy, and it made him feel like he was walking into a horror movie. _

_He could see muddy footprints leading out of Jett's stall; it must have been a mess today. The closer he got to Jett's stall, the more the quiet seemed to penetrate his skin and shoot straight to his bones like a freezing wind. He didn't know that a few more steps and the freezing wind would turn into ice cold dagger._

_The silence was freaking him out. He thought of how only ten minutes before he'd felt the same kind of panic, the same kind of fear. He ran the rest of the way to the stall, it felt like he was walking slowly on a moving sidewalk, headed the way he'd come. _

_The stall was a wreck. It looked like a horse had gone crazy in it. The feed bucked had been torn from the corner, there were clothes all over, some torn, and he wanted to be wrong, but that definitely could have been blood._

_He froze. His eyes frantically looked over everything. He tried to move but his feet had turned to lead. And few more moments and a deep breaths and he flew black from the stall door. To any one else it might look as if a couple had seriously gone at it in there. He was certain that a no point in time would one of those people be Renee._

"_Hey John, I couldn't...find…" Luke stood, staring at John. "Man, are you okay? Where's Renee?" No answer. Luke's eyes darted to the stall and back to John before they processed the scene before them. "Dude, what the hell?" _

_------_

"She was…simply gone?" Teyla asked quietly. He'd been right. Their losses, while fundamentally the same, were extremely different. She knew what became of those taken from her, she'd seen it, but had her father simply disappeared…

Teyla wanted to cry.

"Perhaps she is not dead."

John was bent over, head in his hands, elbows resting on the table, "No. She's gone. I know it, I felt it." He looked up at her, sorrow ridden and angry at the memory. He stood suddenly and violently, knocking his chair over with an unthinkably loud clatter.

He was all but shouting, "They couldn't find her. They said it looked like there could have been a struggle, that maybe she'd been TAKEN. I tried to find her. They gave up, everyone gave up and she LEFT ME! I was so ANGRY! I hated her for leaving! For letting…whatever happen" he shook her slightly, she was scared, not for her safety, the Major would never hurt her, no matter how angry. No, she was scared for him. "They didn't…they couldn't even find _her_!"

Never, had she seen him so angry. Not even when the Genii had taken control of the city. This was a primal anger, the kind beasts and wild animals had. Left unchecked, it could harm others, and the one who wielded it.

He continued to shout angry words to her, but she had ceased to hear. She needed to calm him, to save him. She shouted back to him, calling his name, trying to be heard above his angry grief. Momentarily she wondered if they could hear it outside her door. If anyone had passed they surely would have stopped to see what was happening.

"Major! Major!" she grabbed his arms, turning him, "Major!" she shouted once more, before she pushed him with all her strength onto the bed that had been provided.

He sat and immediately lay on his stomach, covering his head, completely embarrassed by his outburst, and again wanting to hide the tears. Teyla stood over him, waiting to see if he would move to leave, or move at all.

"Major Sheppard." Her voice was soft and wondrously caring once more, "John?"

"Damn it." He whispered.


	4. I Wish I'd Known Her

**Ch. 4**

She stood back and let the Major be. Again, Teyla found herself at an impasse, does she go to him or wait for him to acknowledge her? Had she not known him and not witnessed the outburst that happened only moments ago, she might have waited. Instead she went to the bed and sat where there was room for her, near his head.

He folded his arms, resting his forehead on them, and stared down into the blankets. She laid her hand softly on the back of his head, and lightly stroked his hair. She was reminded of times in her own childhood when her father had done this for her.

She could feel his body shutter and relax with every breath. He was fighting it down. He'd gotten out what he meant to say, and now he could put it all behind him again. He rolled onto his back, laying a forearm across his eyes. _'He is still trying to appear strong…'_ Teyla smiled. If there were ever one thing she could count on, it was Major John Sheppard's will; the will to live, to fight, to laugh, to be everyone's hero, to love.

To love; her father had always tried to romanticize her with stories of unending love, love that could defeat even the Wraith. She had loved her father with that unending love, she had loved another man with that love, and still the Wraith were strong and she had lost them.

"When I was very little, and very scared, my father would bring me close to him." She looked at John, aware his eyes were closed, but aware that he listened with his entire being, "He would sit with me and tell me stories. About how one day all Wraith would be destroyed and how true love could defeat any evil. When he was taken, I saw everything he'd told in those moments to be a lie. And then to have met you, it restored my hope in his stories and I found it once more to be a comfort to have such lies to escape to. I would like nothing more to comfort you John. You cannot harbor such hate, and torment forever."

He moved his head to look up at her. He was exhausted; no wonder he'd never been as emotional again after that day, it took a lot out of a person. "I didn't mean to…ya know, just a minute ago. She left me, whatever happened, whoever took her," his voice held the coviction of man convinced. Someone had taken her from him, otherwise she would never have left, and Teyla was some what inclined to agree, "…slipped through my fingers." It was a whisper, God was he tired.

"They will get what they deserve. One day perhaps someone will catch them."

"I want it to be me." He flipped onto his back, his composure and strength all returning. Teyla kept her hand in his hair, and brushed back the hair on his forehead; she smiled slightly at the sight of his eyes. The red was going, and slowly the almost carefree light was returning to his hazel eyes. The physical contact was as much for herself as it was for him. She truly did feel as though these people, these earthlings, had restored her hope in all tales her people like to tell. Maybe they would defeat the Wraith, maybe they wouldn't. Either way a people who had never suffered the Wraith were here now, and could possibly one day save all the peoples of this galaxy, as well as their own. And that was something to believe in.

While she wanted the Wraith dead, she wouldn't mind seeing earth, the real earth, and all the things Major Sheppard had told her about. "I wish I had known her."

The Major picked himself up, and for a moment he sat beside Teyla. She didn't fail to notice how his hand had come to rest on hers.

"I'm pretty beat." He said to the floor, "Guess I shouldn't wait around to be kicked out."

Teyla swore her heart had skipped a beat. Was he asking to stay? Did she want him to stay? Of course she did, he was upset, only now being able to push it all back into his memory's hiding place. She didn't have time to answer before the Major stood, taking her hand with him. Maybe he hadn't wanted to stay after all.

"Kirk would be disappointed." He said as he pulled her to a standing position. He looked her in the eye and gave her a half hearted grin and a sigh before he pulled her into a hug. He'd wanted to do this earlier, now he felt he needed it. Teyla's eyes looked over the Major's shoulder, all night she'd been giving what comfort she could, how could she have so unprepared for him to offer a simple gesture of thanks?

She quickly dismissed the thought and hugged him back. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the sensation of his arms around her. It was a feeling she could get used to, a strong, protecting embrace. But she wasn't sure if it was something she should allow to happen. She found herself feeling this way more and more, every time they were alone and even when they weren't.

As he pulled back, leaving his hands resting lightly on her elbows, he gave her a soft kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks. A lot." His hands dropped to his sides, "It's uh…it's good to get it out." his hands patted the side of his legs a few times before he spoke again, "Teyla..."

"Yes?"

He leaned toward her and brushed his lips against hers in a quick light kiss.

"See ya tomorrow." He promptly turned and left the room. Her eyes followed him out, and stared even when the door had closed. Another earth custom? She could ask Dr. Weir. After a few moments she sat it down at the table and noticed the Major had left in such a hurry he'd forgotten to pick up his sister's necklace.

She looked at it, almost afraid to touch it. She'd give it back to him in the morning; she had a pretty good idea where he'd be.

------

"Stupid, stupid." John muttered as he walked quickly to his own room.

He kissed her what was he thinking? He could say he was tired, but that would make him look vulnerable, didn't want that. He wasn't sure if he could handle having to admit to another feeling, he wasn't even sure what it was.

That was a lie. He knew what it was. It's not like he'd never fallen for someone before.

As he threw himself down onto his own bed, he tried to push the thoughts away. He was just tired. Tried, and that's all. Nothing out of the ordinary here, nope, not a thing, just tired, frayed nerves.

He fell asleep with the feeling that his heart was trying to call his mind a liar.

------

The next morning John found himself in the same spot he'd been the night before, looking out over a sun streaked city. Only now he was minus one small, very important thing. He'd swung by Teyla's room, but she hadn't been there, so he'd have to wait. It drove him crazy not knowing where it was, but he knew Teyla wouldn't let anything happen to it. She'd probably be the one to find him.

"Major Sheppard." Speak of the devil. He smiled, and she was wearing blue.

"Morning."

"You left this in my room. I was quite surprised."

He took the necklace back, and noted the carefulness with which she placed it in his hand. But surprised? That he kissed her or that he'd left the necklace, or both? He wasn't inclined to ask any of those questions.

"Wanna get some breakfast."

"I cannot, Sergeant Markham has agreed to take me to the main land today. You are welcome to join us."

"Nah…I think I'll just hang around here today. Maybe do something thinking."

She bowed her head, "I must go. Are you sure you will not come?"

"Yeah, next time though. I swear."

She smiled and whispered and walked away. He looked at the necklace before slipping it into a pocket. It had to have been surprise at both, but she hadn't seemed to mind the kiss.

"Oh, Major Sheppard, you forgot this in my room…." John rolled his eyes, McKay.

"Eavesdropping, Rodney? I'd think that was beneath you genus types."

"Merely passing by. I did see you in there, wasn't sure if you'd spend the night though. But I guess you do tend to have a thing for brunettes don't you?"

"I didn't spend the night."

"Of course…and Kavanaugh is turning into a warmhearted care-bear of a human being."

"Look, I told her a story. And if you have a problem with that or go around telling people otherwise, you'll have a nice story to tell everyone about my fist. Got it?" he said with a smile as he looked over to the astrophysicist.

"Oh, right. Don't worry, your secret tryst with Teyla is safe with me."

"You're impossible, you know that?"

"Major, I pride my self on it."

He smiled and walked away, which didn't seem to faze the good Doctor at all, Rodney shrugged and walked back inside.

John strolled down the balcony, his hand in his pocket, running over the smooth metal of his sister's necklace.

True, she was long gone, but she was still a major part of him. It was a part he always wished he could have back and always would. But she was also a part he'd come to terms with having lost.

She'd left him fourteen years ago, then he'd left her billions of miles away, but he could feel her all around him.

He smiled and closed his eyes against the wind. She was there.

* * *

Finito. R and R and keep an eye out for that 'something of a sequal' I was talking about. It could be a while. 


End file.
